Ever since his suicide I have realistic dreams that Kyle comes to me in.
Kyle enters a room and holds me close. He looks me in the eyes and says
"I'm so sorry, I thought for sure that you would follow me. I knew you were so close to taking your own life as well, I thought if I went first you would follow soon after."
I had already fought hard enough previous to the suicide that I felt it would be a waste to give up now even though he was gone. I could handle this and I would live through it no matter what it took.
I try not to let this reoccurring dream scare me off. It's my subconscious trying to cope with it all.
I believe the only way to get through a painful experience is to find just a little bit of positive outcome to focus on. I try to use my past as an aide to help others who have been though similar things. I've always wanted to help people and now that I can relate to others who have gone through painful experiences, I can help them too overcome their demons as I have done myself.